The 7 profiles of Eurobubble football players

As I explained in an earlier post, futsall in the Eurobubble is a matter of life and death. Participating in a Eurobubble futsall game reaches the same level of PR skills required to attend drinks afert a Commission’s cabinet meeting. Like in every networking event, you can always identify some profiles that usually go around these ones:

The David Beckham model

Super expensive brand new Nike shoes (110€), latest FC Barcelona shirt (90€) (they all support Barcelona of course) Puma socks of their national team (30€) with Adidas lacets to keep them tight (10€) and hair holding string (price unknown/depending on the area).

The David Beckhams are those who spend as much as a PSG player in clothing (for a futsall game). They come to the game in a suit on a Sunday pretending they just had a business lunch while they actually wore it to get people to ask them “Why are you dressed like that?” For them, every accessory is fundamental: from the bag, to the  shower slippers to…SHIN GUARD??? Seriously, shin guards???

They bring girlfriends to the games cause they need somebody to look at them but unfortunately they pretty much all suck at football. Typicallly they have moderately paid jobs in leadership and business management consultancies.

The Balotellis

The pitch is booked for one hour, not two. Nevertheless, every team has its latecomers, those for whom the bus is always late, the metro is always on fire and the traffic light is always red. They always make you start playing 4 vs 5 and if you get angry at them they lift their shirts saying “Why always me?”

They gather hatred from everyone and they know that a Pepe-like tackle is about to come onto their ankles. They work for the European Associations of Whatever or the European Think Tank of Nobody Cares About it. Badly paid. Couldn’t care less about you.

The Gazzas

gazza_gascoigneThese are the best. Eurobubble football games are usually during the weekend and whether it is on a Saturday or a Sunday, you will always have someone coming to the pitch at 5.30PM smelling of Bacardi and Coke.

For early hours games, these guys are likely to come directly from St. Gery or Spirito Martini. They usually display incredible skills, dribblings, amazing passes…for about 4 and half minutes when they collapse to ground asking for a durum with Samurai sauce. They are stagiares with a bright future ahead of them in politics.

The Ibrahimovics

95% of the times, teams don’t have a goalie. In this case you either rotate the goalie or the fattest dude has to pay his toll unless he starts getting on salads. However, you always have an Ibra in the team. Somebody that doesn’t give a damn about it and, strangely, his shifts between the posts always last between 15 and 30 seconds after which they shout “Hey I’ve been in the goal for an hour!”. They tackle to the limit and push you like in a Taekwondo match.

They love politics and they are mosly MEPs assistants for some really unknown guy of the Federal European Party for Extreme Application of a Political Doctrine. Continue reading “The 7 profiles of Eurobubble football players”

Football digital diplomacy: The Elsha-Messi principle

After a devastating 4-0 defeat for AC Milan yesterday night against Barcelona, an interesting story came out of the international media. It was not about the game, where the Barca tank literally run over AC Milan’s bus, but about the allegations that, after the game, young AC talent Stephan El Shaarawy approached Leo Messi to swap t-shirts who blatantly refused the exchange. All, and I mean all, sports newspapers mentioned this “scandal”. Thousands of colourful interpretations were given to this episode, from Argentine arrogance to Barca-Milan anymosity to a small desire for vengeance after the 2-0 defeat at San Siro.

In a few hours, all allegations were shut up. How? An official press statement? A press release by the media people from both teams? The teams’ presidents explaining the accident on TV? No.

El Shaarawy from his official account simply posted a picture of Messi t-shirt saying “I’m posting this picture to clarify the t-shirt issue. Thanks Leo…A Champions inside and outside the pitch..pic.twitter.com/ZmYh3TIswq!!

This is a great example of how digital diplomacy can bring truth to lower levels of governance. What if all world leaders had verified Twitter accounts through which you could read their real personal thoughts in real time? What if G.W. Bush, Fidel Castro, Chavez, Ahmadinejad had Twitter in the early 2000s and could just tell it the way it is. No media mediocre interpretations, allegations and manipulation. We can’t live of woulda, coulda, shoulda but in my head the picture is of a revolutionized diplomatic world.

This is the Elsha-Messi theory of diplomacy: ” If a contested episode casts doubts over the truthfulness of the alleged reasons justifying an action, a tweet by one of the contendents shall silent all possible allegations based on groundless assumptions. #respect”.