As I explained in an earlier post, futsall in the Eurobubble is a matter of life and death. Participating in a Eurobubble futsall game reaches the same level of PR skills required to attend drinks afert a Commission’s cabinet meeting. Like in every networking event, you can always identify some profiles that usually go around these ones:
The David Beckham model
Super expensive brand new Nike shoes (110€), latest FC Barcelona shirt (90€) (they all support Barcelona of course) Puma socks of their national team (30€) with Adidas lacets to keep them tight (10€) and hair holding string (price unknown/depending on the area).
The David Beckhams are those who spend as much as a PSG player in clothing (for a futsall game). They come to the game in a suit on a Sunday pretending they just had a business lunch while they actually wore it to get people to ask them “Why are you dressed like that?” For them, every accessory is fundamental: from the bag, to the shower slippers to…SHIN GUARD??? Seriously, shin guards???
They bring girlfriends to the games cause they need somebody to look at them but unfortunately they pretty much all suck at football. Typicallly they have moderately paid jobs in leadership and business management consultancies.
The Balotellis
The pitch is booked for one hour, not two. Nevertheless, every team has its latecomers, those for whom the bus is always late, the metro is always on fire and the traffic light is always red. They always make you start playing 4 vs 5 and if you get angry at them they lift their shirts saying “Why always me?”
They gather hatred from everyone and they know that a Pepe-like tackle is about to come onto their ankles. They work for the European Associations of Whatever or the European Think Tank of Nobody Cares About it. Badly paid. Couldn’t care less about you.
The Gazzas
These are the best. Eurobubble football games are usually during the weekend and whether it is on a Saturday or a Sunday, you will always have someone coming to the pitch at 5.30PM smelling of Bacardi and Coke.
For early hours games, these guys are likely to come directly from St. Gery or Spirito Martini. They usually display incredible skills, dribblings, amazing passes…for about 4 and half minutes when they collapse to ground asking for a durum with Samurai sauce. They are stagiares with a bright future ahead of them in politics.
The Ibrahimovics
95% of the times, teams don’t have a goalie. In this case you either rotate the goalie or the fattest dude has to pay his toll unless he starts getting on salads. However, you always have an Ibra in the team. Somebody that doesn’t give a damn about it and, strangely, his shifts between the posts always last between 15 and 30 seconds after which they shout “Hey I’ve been in the goal for an hour!”. They tackle to the limit and push you like in a Taekwondo match.
They love politics and they are mosly MEPs assistants for some really unknown guy of the Federal European Party for Extreme Application of a Political Doctrine. Continue reading “The 7 profiles of Eurobubble football players”
